It’s 1:47AM…

… and I feel myself slipping away from consciousness. My eyelids are going to be really heavy in half an hour, especially if I continue ploughing through the really wordy CSI readings. The readings are interesting, but I’m really going to start imaginnig words there in a while, as I have been doing recently when I read my notes in a half-conscious state.

Worse still, I have yet to resume writing my LH essay – which I came to Starbucks for, and my drink is nearly empty. I was intending to pull an all-nighter, but my scalp is itching since I didn’t have time to wash my hair before coming down just now.

On a side note, I digressed from my readings because I realised how overwhelmingly I miss History. I really miss the arguments and the life History teaches us about. It’s definitely not objective – it simply can’t be – and it’s not just about facts and dates. It’s one of the few subjects that contains so much life in its content – not just military/ political history, but also social and economic history. Recently, I keep wondering how it would be like if I decide to major in History in Year 3 – it’s currently my 3rd/4th choice, after PPE and/or Global Affairs. Maybe I can minor in it… The only drawback is the seemingly limited career paths – I don’t want to be a teacher even though it is immensely fulfilling (provided that you are a good teacher (and I don’t want to be a teacher because I know I will not be able to be as good as some of my previous teachers)).

But there’s still time, so I will worry about that another day.

I’ve always liked history since I was first exposed to it in Secondary 1 (thanks Mrs Wong), and I remember how I initially chose to take Geog in my Y2-Y3 subject combination choices, to which my history teacher asked if I was sure and proceeded to comment dryly that that would be a choice that I would regret. I eventually took History because of the SBGE offering and also because I realised that Geog was simply a practical choice that was in part influenced by the conservative people around me who believed that Geog, like the sciences, was more practical and also easier to score in. Typical Singaporeans, I know. But I’m glad I didn’t have to find out in Y3/Y4 if not taking History would be a choice that I would regret. (Maybe because in retrospect, I know that I would definitely regret it even though I kinda slacked off in Y3 and screwed up all my grades) I finally dropped History (for French (YAY for French)) in Senior High and it was then that I realised that I really, really missed History. I don’t think I regret the choice of dropping History instead of Physics, because 1) I had a meaningful journey with Physics even though it was really hard at times and it didn’t turn out well at all and 2) I wonder if the amount of mugging that I would have had to do for History would have killed my interest for it (because unlike French, I didn’t know if I had sufficient passion for the subject to keep me going even when things get really difficult).

In any case, that was all in the past. I was just thinking of Prof Tan’s lecture during Week 7 and the conversation that some of us had with him after the project, and boy, it just hit me how much I miss it.

Right now, it’s 2:03AM – I just spent 16 minutes typing this. Now it’s time to go back to the 23 pages long CSI readings about Race. It’s interesting but it’s really long and it’s really late and there’s LH to do and I’m going to fall asleep soon and I am honestly quite sick of LH and my Starbucks tall hot Caffe Mocha is depleting and I have no money to buy a new drink and okay I’m going back to my readings because it’s 2:05AM now and that means 18 minutes spent here. Bye.


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