Increasingly Introverted

Strangely and ironically enough, I realise that I’m becoming increasingly introverted even though I’m in college now – the time when you actually have a life.

I really appreciate slow and soothing music, like ballads (I’m listening to Kyuhyun’s new album now, it’s amazing). I used to enjoy upbeat songs, but recently, I find them quite loud.

I think I am too self-conscious – actually, I just realised that ‘get over yourself’ would be a good advice for people who are shy and reserved. i.e. me. I need to get over myself, get over the fear of being judged. I should stop treating myself so seriously. Isn’t it ironic how, in order to be serious in your work, you should not treat yourself so seriously? It only hinders progress.

I hate being quiet, shy, reserved, introverted, unsociable, not confident, etc.

I absolutely hate being labelled/seen as such.

I hate being inadequate – it’s not like I want to/ need to be the top of my class/ be the teacher’s pet. In fact, it has been really long since someone actually thought I was good at something, but I don’t want to be the ‘yardstick’ for bad/ for not speaking up/ not vocal in class etc. I just don’t want to be at the bottom. Actually, being at the bottom isn’t horrible (I’ve experienced that before anyway), I just want someone to believe in me when I don’t. But isn’t that dumb? I hate feeling insecure, I hate feeling like a fraud (well, maybe I am one), but I hate the feeling of not making good/ full use of the myriad of opportunities here.

There’s so much to do. But I just can’t decide and I end up not doing anything.

I end up choosing the easy way out, which is not good.

I miss being confident/ extroverted – Guides really built up that facade, but that facade is slowly dissolving. Ugh.

I wish I could excel in something, because it has been really long since I felt excited/ confident in my ability to execute something well and of quality. ):

(Actually, maybe that’s why I enjoy my job at MY so much, because I feel like I do a decent job at sales and at the job in general. I love the feeling of having ownership of the store. Yet, we can’t deny that it’s practically a brainless job – my parents are concerned that I study so much (like, in University) just to work as a salesgirl. Well, maybe I’m just choosing the easy way out again. I need to stop soon though, since I should make full use of opportunities on campus while I am still in school. I only have <7.5 semesters left to make an impact, let alone leave a legacy.)

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