No use showing your emotions or vulnerability

Have I mentioned how much  I hate it when I apologise for something but there’s no response?

Anyway, I’m subconsciously doing that now to someone else. Ugh.

Sometimes, even when you are in a really bad mood, no one can tell because people who weren’t present cannot understand. Yet, you assume that they can – perhaps because in that moment, you were feeling so upset and thought that the whole world would be able to understand. But honestly, others can’t because they were experiencing other things in their lives and not what you had just been through. You might wish that there’s someone who can always understand you and give you a hug or comforting words- as useless as they might be – but that’s just no realistic. Sometimes, all you can do is to cry internally – or just cry out loud, but alone – and then just face the problem and the issue. There’s no use in showing any emotions or vulnerability because it’s not like anyone can understand or empathise. I’m starting to realise that it’s easier to just be fiercely independent than rely on others. Also, sometimes, when you expect to be able to properly rely on someone and just rant, you might easily face disappointment when you realise that that doesn’t happen. And what’s the point of setting yourself up for such disappointment? Just rely on yourself, goddammit. And, by doing so, you don’t become a ‘burden’ to others  as well.

Ah, what’s the point of me saying all these. I didn’t start writing with any clear purpose, but I just wanted to rid the thoughts in my mind and writing/ typing seems to be a perfect platform for me to *voice out my opinions without relying on anyone’s (lack of) response*. Oh well. Maybe that’s my point after all. Maybe we should all just try to be independent and 靠自己.

 

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