Heavy hearted

I’ve never been close and I definitely wasn’t his favourite. But it’s still with a heavy heart as I watch this whole process. And my mum – the last few months must have been hard.
The tradition is, as expected, very patriarchal and sexist. Sometimes, I feel uncomfortable about what I’m supposed to (not) do, but I have to suck it up and remember that this is cultural. Like it or not, culture and traditions ought to be respected and followed, and they do not necessarily reflect our beliefs in the daily lives. It’s full of superstitions as well and it’s better to be safe than sorry.
I got very annoyed when I was asked to sew just now (gosh, I haven’t touched a needle and a thread in nearly a decade) and for a while, I was so frustrated when I saw that my sis and I were the only ones doing that even though there were many other people in the house. Alas, they were adults. And mainly men. So the two 小妹s were asked to do the sewing – because we are young? Or perhaps, because we are young AND we are GIRLS? I was annoyed but I know better than to argue with my elders, especially in present circumstances.
I feel bad as well about my subconscious desire to work during Christmas and my disappointment when I realised that I might not get to do so. But along with that, I feel disgusted about that selfish desire.

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