Alone, but not lonely

As I grew older, I realised that you can’t always trust people around you, even if you think you know them very well. Sometimes, I just feel like, at the end of the day, (possibly barring your parents), you are the only one whom you can rely on, and that people are not always going to be there for you. Self-interest is what’s driving the world, and you can’t expect people to put your needs above theirs, similar to how you probably wouldn’t do the same for many people.

I don’t know why, but I’ve been having these thoughts recently as I realised how I’m increasingly keeping to myself (while getting annoyed and irritated at others). Also, I should also get used to the fact that you are probably never going to be someone’s first priority, or someone’s first person to turn to/ talk to about stuff. You might be one of the first, but you can’t guarantee that you will be the first to everything. Similarly, for myself, I don’t always turn to the same person when I want to talk about random things. Fact is, friends care but they just don’t care that much. They aren’t obliged to do so, anyway.

In The Prince’s Tale in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Dumbledore told Snape that he’d rather not put all his eggs in one basket, preferably not one that hangs on the arm of Lord Voldemort. While Voldy doesn’t exist in my life (thankfully), I’m starting to realise Dumbledore’s rationale – you can’t just trust one person. If that person betrays you, your whole world is going to collapse, right?

It’s one of those days when I feel very alone in this noisy world, but I’m getting used to this feeling and I no longer feel sad about it. Probably because there is no reason to feel so anyway.

I just typed the title of the post, and it sounds so misleading, like it’s a title about being lonely on Vday. I didn’t think about that at all though. That’s one aspect of my life that I don’t really care about.

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