I don’t get why I’m so undisciplined. I spend hours writing nonsense, scrolling through social media sites, sleeping and eating. I don’t do my work in time and even when I’m running out of time, I don’t feel any sense of obligation to do my readings.
Then I get poor grades, and I berate myself for it, even though I know that it wasn’t something unexpected. Then I compare myself with others, and I get even more demoralised, knowing that others are doing way more things (and way more productive/ meaningful things) than me, yet still manage to do very decently for their academics.
I don’t get why I’m not putting in any effort into my work, as though I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Because the problem is that I’m not, and I don’t actually have the luxury or privilege to take things – especially my expensive education – for granted, or to do badly academically.
P.S. People are terrifying.