I was reading through some of my recent Whatsapp messages and I realised –

When you send a smiley face/ emoji in your messages, are you actually smiling most of the time? No. Then why do you send an emoji? Well, I send a smiley to let people think that I’m friendly and not hostile, I send a laugh-cry emoji to let people know that I find what they are saying hilarious etc. The thing is, when you send emoticons and/or emojis, it’s not as though you are actually smiling or laughing or crying. Rather, it’s an outward expression of what you want people to think you are feeling in response to your message. It’s not real. (Sometimes, at least. Must at this caveat because there are actually times when you mean your emojis, right?)

Okay so, similarly, it’s important to know that a similar thought process goes on in people’s minds when they send you an emoji/ an emoticon. When they send a smiley, they are not smiling as they type the message. When they send a crying emoji, they are not crying. When they send a fuming-mad emoji, they are not literally fuming mad (because people who are really mad won’t be bothered to send you emojis). (Ok caveat again: the alternative is possible, but unlikely).

So yeah, moral of the story: it’s really easy to fake an outward expression and facade in this age, so don’t be fooled by others 🙂

(Hmm, so why the smiley above? I wasn’t smiling. But I felt nice. And it’s because that sentence without the smiley will seem as though I am angry/ annoyed/ making a serious statement, but the truth is that I wasn’t. Not at all.)

Another food for thought: why do emojis and emoticons exist though? Is it because most people can’t express themselves properly in words? Is that the fault of people, or is that the problem with language and semantics? Does it only serve the well-versed and the eloquent? For the rest of us, words allow us to express ourselves, but are they enough for us to precisely express ourselves?)

One reason why sometimes typing is preferred over writing is because it’s easier for my hands to keep up with my thoughts, and it’s easier for me to keep things flowing even as my thoughts stray and derail from the intended point.

And have I mentioned how much I love the sound of my fingers flying over the keyboard? It makes me feel productive, even if I’m actually not. Also, the feeling of hitting the ‘enter’ button on the keyboard, as though you just finalised something and set it in stone. Another way of feeling productiveness.

I just finished my 2nd Chemistry homework. I’m reading the first out of 6 readings/ websites/ images, and I already have questions. I may go to Stan’s Office Hours tomorrow, because I really want to do decently for Science for once, before it’s too late. If I can do Science (Chemistry), then I can do anything. Few people would know/ expect how much this means to me.

Today, the girl I was working with has the impression that I am damn smart academically just because I scored >260 for my PSLE. Funnily enough, her brother is, by those standards, ‘damn smart’ too because we were from the same school!!! And I know him – he was my senior in Scouts and was one of the nicer ones. But anyway, I was flattered yet slightly (just very slightly) uncomfortable at the same time. As much as I would like to think that I am smarter than others just because my PSLE score was relatively high, I know that that’s not the case (even if I still console myself based on that at times). I mean, for goodness sake, that was 8 years ago?! And honestly, so what if your academic scores are high? My A level results were decent but it doesn’t mean that I’m smart. I have a decent level of intelligence, put in a decent amount of hard work, and had my share of luck.(Random question: why ‘lady’ luck? Is it because luck used to be associated with women? Is it because women’s achievements were seen as ‘lucky’ gifts that they did not deserve/ earn? WELL, I HOPE NOT.) Ok but anyway, I don’t feel smart. I’ve not felt smart in years. Few people in my life have called me smart in recent years. Like, I know I can answer math questions, but that doesn’t make me smart, y’know. Every other day, I catch myself wishing that I could be smart(er). Ok so I don’t know  where I’m going with this point, but it’s interesting how there are still people  who think that one’s smartness and intelligence are determined by their PSLE scores… I thought our society is moving past that stage? Anyway, even if we use that measurement yardstick, it’s not fair to think that I’m still smarter just because I used to be smarter 8 years ago, y’know? Again, I’m rambling (as usual). Hmm maybe I’m smart. Okay I have a conclusion  – I think I might be smart, but not very smart and thus I could be a lot smarter. My head is too groggy to make a coherent paragraph/ point. Oh actually, I don’t think I had a point  here other than to make a remark about that girl’s outdated opinion.

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