You know the feeling when little things just irritate the hell out of you? This makes you feel terribly bitchy and annoyed, but you don’t snap back at them (regardless of how much you feel like doing so) just so you won’t be labelled ‘bitchy’ and ‘temperamental’? And also because you know that they don’t deserve being snapped at over trivial matters.
Sometimes I don’t think I’m a good friend. But at the same time, I also think that I’m only a good friend to those who are good friends to me – i.e. you care for others when they care for you and vice versa. Some people, no matter how much they pretend to care for you/ how much they proclaim so, just don’t care and you know they may/ may not be there when you really need them/ want to talk. And you know that this is true when similar things (on a lesser scale) have happened before.
I sense myself becoming increasingly cold and aloof these few days, but I’m not sorry about that. Though I really should put in more effort into the things that I care about!
End of yet another incoherent rambling, it’s time to do my readings.
Also, I wonder when I will ever be confident/ comfortable enough to let my writing/ thoughts all be publicised? That’s not a very easy thing to do for a person who hates having her thoughts and opinions and daily musings judged, but it’s all the more necessary for someone like this to confront her fears, right? I wonder if I’ll ever have the courage to add a blog URL in my social media bio, knowing that others will read it and secretly judge. (Yeah, I have enough stalker friends to know that this is inevitable.)
But I guess it’s also important to know that it’s fine to find public blogs uncomfortable too, especially if the initial goal is to have a platform to voice my personal thoughts and opinions without having to maintain a facade. This also means that it’s okay to write incoherently as well, as long as I’m sorting things out in my own safe space. Don’t know what’s the point of these last 2 paragraphs, but towards the end, I was just typing mindlessly while looking at the cursor move – it’s therapeutic in its own way, y’know?