If only the mind cannot be trusted

When you no longer derive any joy from doing something that you used to like, is there any value in staying on? 

Is it strong or is it weak, to just leave and put an end to it all?

Am I even doing something that I identify with? What does my choice say about me? 

Why am I even supporting a capitalistic movement – that, honestly, is causing lots of misery in this country I call home – that I have always disdained? 

But, it’s a gift shop. I get to talk to people and make their day better by introducing them to cool items that they rarely chance upon. That’s meaningful, right? 

What kind of people will buy gifts for others? What kind of people do you associate with a gift shop? Maybe giving is inherently self-interested, but giving does make another person’s day better (I would know), so it’s still great right? Supporting a giving culture, making people happy – these are rewarding right? (Alright yeah, I realised the contradiction here – talks of something being ‘rewarding’ and ‘fulfilling’, even in the intangible sense, doesn’t make me any better than materialistic capitalism, right?)

Dammit there are SO MANY sides to everything, SO MANY perspectives that you can see, SO MANY stances that you can take if you know who you are and what you want well. But can I say with conviction that I know myself well? (No.)

Or maybe, at the end of the day, it’s all just words and semantics and what I want and stand for don’t really matter.

I don’t know man, why is everything so damn GREY.

Chanced upon a quote in All The Light We Cannot See about how the mind cannot be trusted, for it only introduces questions and ambiguity, when all we need is clarity in this world. 

It resonated with me so much that for a moment, I really wanted to agree it and wished that it were true. 


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