I’m currently working on a story about a philanthropic gift made to the college, and I’m feeling so awed by such philanthropists who, regardless of whether they were born rich or became rich through their own efforts, contribute so much to society and to the needy. Myself being on the receiving end of such gifts, I am really impressed and inspired by the generosity of these people. I remember telling a friend right after my worries about financing my college tuition were alleviated “omg I’m feeling so inspired and thankful right now. Money should never be an obstacle in education man.” And y’know what, till this day – okay not like it was thaaat long ago – I still can recall those emotions and I truly, truly believe that money should never be an obstacle in one’s academic pursuit. Or rather, money shouldn’t be an obstacle in any meaningful pursuit.
Sometimes, it’s really hard being in a community of really privileged, mid-high income students. Like, really hard and really pressurising and you just end up questioning yourself and your values and whether you actually deserve the privilege of doing what you love instead of doing what is practical. You’d think that this would motivate you to work hard and be better than the rest, but you look at them and you realise that they are so far ahead and you’re just so incompetent and, for lack of a better word, plebeian in comparison. You want to be comfortable here, but you know you ought not be, because what you enjoy now is not a lifestyle that you can/should afford once you’re out in the working world. And unlike the rest of the college who can joke about the employment possibilities (or lack thereof) for LAC students, this is actually a real concern for you, in that you have higher stakes in not securing a job…because well, you were not born with a silver spoon in your mouth and the options of relying on daddy’s money or working in mummy’s company simply. do. not. exist.
😦 Not self-pitying but just questioning myself and what I ought to be doing with my life.