Whattheheckkk I just found out that the reading that I have chosen to ‘critique’ was co-written by MY PROF. UGH honestly, I don’t get the point of ‘critiques’ – like, if I’m so smart to critique your work, what am I doing in COLLEGE? Damn okay I’m not making sense now, BUT I’ve spent hours trying to start doing this stupid critique (that is already more than 24 hours overdue) BUT I’M NOT GETTING ANYWHERE AND I’M HUNGRY and things are going so badly and even my music on YT is experiencing interruptions and I’m tired and I’m emotional but I also know that it could be so much worse but it could also be so much better I DON’T KNOW WHY BUT I’M SUDDENLY FINDING MYSELF IN A FUCKING MESS AND NO MOTIVATION but it’s not like I’ve been doing anything much to burn myself out but basically, I’ve always thought that this semester was still fine UNTIL THIS WEEK or rather, last week, when I suddenly felt so overwhelmed with everything that I haven’t been able to get /anything/ done and I’m not even kidding about not doing anything ‘cos I really have done nothing.
fuck la but the good thing is that curse words sound strange in my mouth so most of my cursing is done in text, which is still not good but better than cursing all day but ya fuck la why can’t I be perfect.
Also, my struggles with this type of classes has led me to wonder if I am experiencing a life crisis ha ha ha ha ha ha yesterday I was texting friend R about my messed-up life and then while walking, I met friend J who asked me how I was doing and…I just lost it fuck la SO WEAK SO VULNERABLE WHY CAN’T YOU BE BETTER WHY CAN’T YOU JUST GET A FUCKING GRIP ON YOUR LIFE.
I’m so touched when people actually care but I hate, absolutely hate being vulnerable.
Fuck la my prof for ANOTHER class just uploaded an assignment ugh honestly I can’t deal with this why can’t time just stop so that I can actually cope actually ya why am I so weak why can’t I do this shit properly dammit.
Ohmygod what if I can’t do anything in my life, like ever. Why are you so fucking incompetent my goodness can you at least up your game ugh.
Also, even my laptop is fucking messed up – I’ve been facing a copy-and-paste problem where I can’t paste things on some platforms which is bloody inconvenient LIKE NOW because this post is such a sign of weakness that I don’t want to post online, but seems like I have no choice but to do it because it’s not like my computer will let me save it in doc otherwise.
Honestlyyyyy I don’t know why I’m overreacting and being so melodramatic but like why can’t I have a higher threshold for such crap and like life, basically.